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Teaching Life and History
As a kid, I never really thought about the words I said. Whatever was in my head came out in a pretty steady stream. As I got older, the stream dried up. I spoke less and less what was in my head and heart and more what I knew the listener wanted to hear. Somewhere along the way, I realized the power that words have, both to heal and to harm. I wouldn't say I was fixated on it, just conscious of it.
Now that I'm a dad, it's all I can think about. It fills my thoughts. What effect will the words I say now have on my daughter's future? In those moments when I'm not the most patient or understanding, will the words I say change A's outlook on life or her view of herself? Will she be able to look back and pinpoint those moments that formed who she will be? When A was younger, my wife started doing something that will hopefully remind our daughter who she is. If you've every read Kathryn Stockett's The Help, this may be familiar. The practice has become known as 'The Words' in our home, and A asks for them almost every night. Before tucking her in and kissing her goodnight, we say the following: "You are smart, you are kind, you are brave, and you are special. Mommy loves you and Daddy loves you, but Jesus loves you most of all." The wording has changed a bit over the years, but the structure has stayed the same. We repeat a few of the virtues we know she has and we want her to hold on to. While being smart, kind, brave, and special are not the only things in life, we've identified them as important elements of her personality that we want to encourage and affirm. As she ages, we may change these to reflect what we see and what we know about her. Second, we remind her constantly that she is loved. As she goes out into the world (school, church, friend's houses, etc.), she may find people who are downright mean and maybe don't like her. It's our hope that she'll always know there is one place where, no matter what, she is always loved. To every parent reading this right now: be deliberate in what you say to your kids. Don't assume that they know they are loved. Don't assume that they know that you know they're talented. Tell them! Be sincere! And don't stop with words. Use your actions to build up your kids' confidence. If you notice your son excels at painting, put that art on the wall. If your daughter is a singer, be the loudest to applaud. Don't take for granted the fact that you love your kids. Act on it every day. Until next time.
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AuthorMy name is Kevin. I'm a husband, a dad and a historian, in that order. Archives
April 2018
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